Disappointed

felix and I came back to the yard from pruning back the blackberry along the driveway, after hamish had peeled out, drunk and irate, when felix found his dart board impaled by a huge round file, thrown angrily. he was just so disappointed, he kept saying, it's my dartboard...what the heck? he didn't seem confused or mad, just really disappointed in his father. Welcome to the club kid, to having shit broken randomly by this man. "here you are again, spending the whole session talking about him, what you can do to change his actions, what if? This is codependent, but I get it. Women, forever, have been doing whatever it takes. We buy time to save money, to find an escape route, to gather ourselves, till the kids are a bit older, till we find a place, we do what we can to keep the peace and to create a sense of stability and keep our stuff from getting broken for another day, have a peaceful dinner, etc. I get it." The racoons have been so relentless that we havent slept with the sliding door open as we usually do on warm nights, but it's actually become unbearable, so I move the cat food dish into the bathroom and drop the heavy curtain over the open door. my mama ears woke me to a soft sound in the night, immediately I knew it wasnt one of the cats, it was the sound of two little hands groping in the dark for the cat food box. I hissed loudly and there was a wild scampering. I've got ring tans, a blood blister, flea bites, blackberry scrapes, shin bruises, and some vet wrap around my hand covering a plantain poultice over a secateur slice got while pruning the grapes. The wisteria has fallen and is hanging over the kitchen window. The mama deer gets into the garden almost regularily, day or night, despite all my attempts at fencing. The morning and evening rounds through the veggies are trepidatious, my heart in my throat, expecting to count casualties. I literally put my beans to bed each night, covering them with big sheets, though I know that's neither slug or deer proof.